Just Complaining (I earned it)

I remember being on Xanax years ago, it works great for panic attacks, but you're only supposed to take it for a short time. Doc who prescribed it didn't give any warnings and refilled it until I insisted to stop taking it.

Honestly I didn't want to abuse it and wanted to make sure I had an option if I got to a place where I needed it again. I got put on another medication, gabapentin, which work great too but turned out to be just as addictive as xanax. It was tough to get off of, but it didn't matter because it was effective and I absolutely needed it.

Then I went off everything for a good long while, finished learning coping skills, quit drinking, started exercising regularly, worked on negative thinking and bad habits, Hell I even looked into and cultivated a new hobby that what help occupy my mind and a positive way.

The only problem with that, and what no doctor mentions and I doubt they know, is the panic attacks don't stop. You learn to deal with them the best you can, and you get rid of patterns of thinking that can cause you to get overwhelmed, however sometimes there's nothing you can do, and you just have to let them come and go.

Without the medication, you do become stronger and learn you're not as weak as you think you are. Sometimes those attacks can be pretty intense, and if you happen to have a job that requires you to talk to 4+ people at once by chat, multitask 10 plus different systems, it can actually be an impediment to your work. Even if you're calm the physical attack itself gets in the way.

Apparently none of that matters. Every doctor I've been to for the past 6 months has refused to look at medical records, ignored everything I told them about my history, and proceed to recommend medications I know for a fact not only that don't work, but actually cause problems worse than the issue.

Simple really, Xanax is abused frequently, so they want to be more careful. However most doctors have never had a panic attack, plus most of the patients they see asking for it are selfish drug seeking assholes, so half of doctors won't prescribe it anymore, and the other half just never cared to begin with and just give people whatever they want.

Also kind of ironic that everyone I seem to meet with a Xanax prescription abuses it almost exclusively. They drink on top of it, take multiples at a time, and even sell it. The most infuriating part is they seem to think they Don't seem to have any stories about trying different medications, coping with it on their own, and didn't spend thousands of dollars looking for every possible solution, and their definition of a panic attack is just getting nervous during public speaking. 

I mean the thing I really can't stop thinking is about is if I had not been honest with the doctor, and stayed on it and abused or sold it I would still have access to it when I needed it.

Whatever, this shouldn't surprise me. Just be thankful that you get your free drugs from a doctor, take an extra one with your wine at dinner and be thankful. As for me? I'm going to just deal with it the best I can for another 6 months, save up another $1,000 and listen to another grown man lie to me.