um hi

hey, thanks for reading this. It means alot. This is all guest work, but I’m pretty sure you were interested in me as more than a friend up to a certain point and lost interest or just going through something. I just get the sense then when we’re talking, you’re guarded and I’m sure you have your reasons but it’s disappointing.

Again all guesswork, but I have a feeling that since I was intimidated and overwhelmed by meeting somebody that I cared for without hardly knowing them it took me off guard and I froze up more than once. I always feel overwhelmed when I meet somebody new because I have to establish that I like them before im even comfortable with the person it feels like. Also, I know it’s insecurity, but I’ve been hurt so many times that my brain really doesn’t believe anything good will happen. I just have this untrue thought that I am not good enough for anybody so I have to fake all my confidence. It makes telling if someone’s interested in you very difficult.

I feel so strongly about you that my reason for writing this was to push myself to ask you out and just get rejected. The idea that you would say yes, feels delusional at this point. But it doesn’t matter. Usually at this point I give up and move on, and I will as soon as I know for a fact that there is no hope here. I couldn’t live with myself if I just needed to be patient or push myself a little more.

I still like you and feel like i fucked up. do you want to go out sometime on an actual date? It’s challenging to plan something like that for somebody so different than what I’m used to, but I’m up to the task. if not, I’m literally open to anything else. I’m just not interested in only being friends. 

Take all the time you need. My intuition says to just leave you alone if you don’t respond to this email. That’s gonna be tough, but I think it’s the right move.

thanks for hearing me out,

mattt