i have absolutely no idea what im doing lets do this

I kept myself busy for hours last night while I was having a level 10 panic attack and got through it without drinking.

It was the kind if attack where it feels like you’re dying and no matter what you do your adrenaline is sky high and your mind is clowded over. You are willing to do just about anything to make it stop. I’ve seen bodybuilders and marines crumble under that kind of pressure. i just kept going and completely gave up hope if it was ever stopping.

i just took 4 remeron and kept walking until it felt like i was dying than i sat down for a long as i could but started to feel like my heart is exploding then start waking again etc the rest is a blur. If I would’ve been at work, I would’ve had to call in.

They could easily give me medication to prevent this. They can even keep me on it for a short period of time to reduce the chance of dependency and it would not only help with the attacks but it would help me get food down i literally never get hungry. but no, they just shrug when you tell them how bad its gotten.

this might just be postacute withdrawal syndrome. I might just have to keep going. I think if I continue to regulate the Kratom and keep cutting the gabapentin in half I’m gonna start feeling better in general and can get my wits about me again.

ever forward