I can’t think of a title

im fine. i may not always act like it but i couldnt be better. im hung over but I deserve that so it’s OK. i know i shouldnt have drank but i kinda think it was necessary to try that last night.

failed experiment. i dont want to be drunk or intoxicated at all. reality is something i can cope with no matter how hard it gets. i like the person i am when im sober there is no need to hide that person anymore.

The reason I’m writing this is because I said a lot of things, some you didn’t see because I unsent them, but they were all true. I just didn’t want to say it when I was so out of my mind like that.

I care more about you than I ever did about her. i got happier when i got a text from you than from her because i wanted to get one from you way more. with her, i just wanted to test my confidence i think.

You are helping me move on and I appreciate that. I keep forgetting to relax and be myself. For whatever reason when I talk to you or hell, even think about you, I act calmer and more confident.

And look all I’m doing here is telling you how I feel. My only intention is to be honest, I think you should hear a lot more good things about yourself more often. Im not asking for anything you arent already giving freely as a friend.

In the spirit of being honest, it’s still annoys me using the term friend, but I think that is what you are at this point in my life and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

I would rather text you as a friend then go on a date with someone like her. I get far more enjoyment out of it and it’s for the exact same reasons. Well, honestly, it’s better because I think you actually understand me to a point and that’s something I needed in my life.

I need to work on my self-esteem. Especially when it comes to women, I see that now. But one of the things they taught us in rehab is that you can’t build confidence out of nothing. You need examples that you can be reliable to build self-confidence

That’s why I’m writing this right now. I’m writing this to you, my friend and just being honest about my feelings To build confidence in myself and to learn that I can say how I’m feeling as long as I’m in control of my emotions.

I’m starting to realize how serious my mental health situation is and there’s a good chance that it will keep me from ever being in a good relationship long-term. Even if I do get the attention of someone amazing, I can’t keep it. Eventually, they see how broken I am and they’re just not up to the task of even being in my life

So for the time being, I have to be alone when that is the worst thing for me mentally. Thankfully, I have someone like you in my life. If not, I think I’d go insane.

Well, that’s not true. I actually do go insane pretty regularly. But you’re one of the things that pulls me back. That’s why I always say that I think God put you here in my life to keep me from giving up.

I could go on and on talking about you but that’s enough for now I guess. And again, my only intent here is to make you feel good about yourself and to make you happy because that’s what you’ve done for me.