i love you too

I have something I need to say. right now it’s very difficult for me to know when to say something or when to shut up because I am very bipolar and I still haven’t figured out how to manage it.

That picture you sent me the other night is one of the most important things to ever happen in my life, but I noticed that I am not allowing myself to feel happy about it.

I am afraid of intimacy because I’m afraid of losing somebody else I care about. I don’t have any reason to believe that you are going to abandon me. I just have an unhealthy fear of it in my head so it makes me insecure.

Right now, writing this is the absolute hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life, being this honest but it’s also the most important. My insecurity is telling me to just stop writing this and do something else, but I am refusing to do that.

I love you and care about you more than a friend. It’s frustrating being so far away from you, but I think if you were here I wouldn’t have any fear of intimacy.

It sucks that we are so far apart at this point in our lives, but I will wait endlessly for a chance to be with you. If I have to wait years, I will do that. If I I have to tirelessly work on myself. I will do that too. If it’s too much for you, I don’t think I could walk away, though I have to be honest.

I need you in my life and anything that gets in the way of that is a distraction.