ok now i understand

its ok matt. you figured it out. it is ok if you allow yourself to let down your gaurd down every once and awhile. Yes, it does mean you are going to get hurt. Your going to feel like dying again many times in your life so its ok if you just relax.

all you have to do now is receive it. why do you keep asking for your dads permission? he already loves you. he even says it why on earth do i believe this? thats demonic

that is evil. im not at fault but it is an evil destructive thought i cannot get rid if right now. You’re right if he would just listen, he could probably get it, but he doesn’t even know that he needs to be paying attention to what you’re talking about.

That’s what it is. He doesn’t understand how important this is to you have to be patient